SERIES 31.

 

 

10th August 2008

 

From Dave Williamson

 

This one's just arrived!

 

Margaret and Bert moved to Texas.  Bert always wanted a pair
of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and
wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Noticeanything different NOW?'
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!!'
Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN,
MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,
(you're gonna LOVE this...)
'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'
 

 *******************************************************************************************

A distinguished young woman  on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest  beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do  for you?"
"Well, I bought an  expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is  unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll  confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me?  Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you,  dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face,  Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs,  she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked,  "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head  down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this  answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist  to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous  instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date,  unused."
Roaring with laughter, the  official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!

 

 

Another  one from Pete in Phoenix, Arizona.

 

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.

**************************************************************** 

 

Here's a few useful tips from Michael Field

 

LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS:

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

(This was sent in large type so you can read it.)

 

 

 

 

 

10th August 2008

This one's from Jim Hamilton

 

A cowboy and his wife had just been married and went to a hotel for
their honeymoon. The man went to the front desk and asked for a room.
He said, "This here is a very special 'casion...our wedding night, and we
need a good room with a strong bed."The clerk winked and asked, "Do you
want the Bridal?"  The Cowboy thought about it a while and then replied,
"No, I guess not. I'll just hold on to her ears until she gets used to it.

 

 

One from Roger Bond - good to hear from you Roger. See you in September!

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15.'

 

10th August.

 

This one from David Williamson

Stella Awards  It's time again for the annual Stella  Awards! For those unfamiliar with these  awards, they are named after 81-year-old  Stella Liebeck, who spilled hot coffee on  herself and successfully sued the  McDonald's  in New Mexico where she purchased the  coffee. You remember, she took the lid off  the coffee and put it between her knees  while she was driving. Who would ever think  one could get burned doing that, right?  That's right, these are awards for the most  outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.  You know, the kinds of cases that make you  scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.  Here are the Stella's for the past year:  7TH PLACE:  Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after  breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler  who was running inside a furniture store.  The store owners were understandably  surprised by the verdict, considering the  running toddler was her own son.  6TH PLACE:  Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California,  won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his  neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda  Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice  there was someone at the wheel of the car  when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.  Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.  5TH PLACE:  Terrence Dickson, of Bristol,  Pennsylvania,  was leaving a house he had just burglarized  by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't  re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to  sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a  case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food,  he sued the homeowner's insurance company  claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly,  the jury said the insurance company must pay  Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should  all have this kind of anguish.  Keep scratching. There are more.  4TH PLACE:  Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas,  garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he  was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses  after being bitten on the butt by his next  door neighbour's beagle - even though the  beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced  yard. Williams did not get as much as he  asked for because the jury believed the  beagle might have been provoked at the time  of the butt bite because Williams had  climbed over the fence into the yard and  repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.  Grrrrr . Scratch, scratch 3RD PLACE:  A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to  pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania  $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft  drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the  soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson  had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds  earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?  Scratch, scratch, scratch.  Hang in there. There are only two more  Stella's to go.  2ND PLACE  Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the  owner of a nightclub in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak  through the ladies' room window to avoid  paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said  the nightclub had to pay her $12,000, oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.  Go figure.  1ST PLACE: (May we have a fanfare played  on 50 kazoos, please.)  This year's runaway First Place Stella  Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of  Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new  32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip  home, from an OU football game, having  driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise  control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.  Not surprisingly, the motor home left the  freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not  surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago  for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home.  Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might  also buy a motor home.  Are we, as a society, getting more stupid?  Or is it just the juries that the lawyers select? PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD OR HAVE GOOD COMMON SENSE, START SHOWING UP FOR JURY DUTY! PLEASE.

 

 

 

24th July

 

 

From my Buckie correspondent

 

 

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner

peace is to finish all the things you have started.  So I looked around

my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before

leaving  the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of merlot, a

bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage

of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of

the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.  Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.

Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece

 

=========================================================

 

Another good one from Dave.

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted)Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming...

The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.

The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palmtrees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn't raining....

The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

 

Dave

20th July

Liked this one from Dave Williamson - Thanks Dave, I haven't tried it yet!

 

Billy Connolly on Retirement.

 What do retired people do all day?

 Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting  Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop.I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop
writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a f***** break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd.  He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.  So I called him a s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on  the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing a third ticket.  This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.  Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired....... It's important at my age......

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

16th June

This from Tom Mead today - just had to share it with you guys!

Edge Designs is an all-women run company   

That designs interior office space. They had a     
Recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.     
             
 The client allowed the women of this Company a free hand in all design aspects.     
 

The client was a company that was also

 Run by all women execs.............     
          

The result.........well.....We all know that Men never talk, never look at each other....     
And never laugh much in the restroom....     ; 
The men's room is a serious and quiet place.......But now...with the addition of one mural     
 On the wall......lets just say the men's  

Restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.

 

 Scroll down!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6th June

A great one from Pete Penwarden.

 

 

I love this one from Michael F

 

Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life,  
to bury him at sea when he died. 

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise. 

They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. 
After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?' 

Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees. 

'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.' 

After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, 
 so they row on. 

Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?' 

Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.' 

The water was only up to his chest.

So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. 
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself  
into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath. 

'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?' 

'Aye it 'tis, hand me da shovel.'   

 

********************************************************************************************************

and this too----

 

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. 

In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus. 

 'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor

Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just  loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...' 

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just  Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' 

 Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.' 

 By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'. 

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. 

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. 

 Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' 

 'Now, what the F*** would you say?

 

 

Another one from Pete Penwarden....

 

Subject: When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day, try this: 

Read below if you ever thought you have a tough job. This should give
you some perspective. Enjoy.


On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson  &
Johnson.  Be very sure you get this brand.  When you get home lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.
		
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Now open the package and remove the thermometer. Then, carefully  place
it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or
broken.
		
Now the therapeutic part begins.
		
Take the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will  notice
that in small print there is a statement:
		
		'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is
personally tested and then sanitized'.
		
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:
		
		"I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer Quality
Control Department at Johnson & Johnson."
		
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN THAN YOURS

***************************************************************** 

 

 

I received this by email the other day - makes you think!! 

 

Subject: JUNGLE WIRES

Be sure to read the bottom line.   THIS IS INDIA. IT'S WHERE YOUR CALL IS DIRECTED TO WHEN YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER OR TELEPHONE.

From Michael Field 21st May 2008

You'll hate me for these .... !!!!
M

A  mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop........
 
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'
 
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish,it works just like new. So how come I make £20,000 a year and you get the really big bucks (£200,000) when you and I are doing basically the same work?'
 
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
 'Try doing it with the engine running.'

 **************************************************************************************

From Pete Penwarden 12th May

Subject: WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

 
  
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up 
that morning. 
  
I went downstairs for breakfast 
  
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and 
possibly have a present for me. 
  
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy 
birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the 
kids will remember. 
  
My kids came into breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left 
for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent. 
  
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "good morning, 
boss, happy birthday!" it felt a little better that at least 
someone had remembered. 
  
I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and 
said, "you know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your 
birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "thanks 
Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" 
  
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We 
dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two 
martinis each 
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously on the way back to the office, 
Jane 
said, "you know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back 
to the office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in 
mind?" she said, "let's go to my apartment." 
  
After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, 
  
"boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a 
moment. I'll be right back." "ok." I nervously replied. 
  
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came 
out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by my wife, kids, and 
dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing " Happy 
birthday"................ 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
and I just sat there... 
  
  
on the couch... 
  
  
....naked.
 
 

This from Jim Hamilton

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):


Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:         'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared.'

Operator:          'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:         'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:         'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller:              'What's a  sea-prompt?'

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller:               'I don't know.'

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:           'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller:               'I can't reach.'

Operator:          'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller:               'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator:          'Dark??'

Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:               'I can't.'

Operator:          'No? Why not??'

Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:  'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:            'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:                  'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator:            'Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!' 

.****************************************************************************************

 From Pete Penwarden in Phoenix:

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, 

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still

 heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical

 procedure.  A young student nurse appears, to give 

him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my

 testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know,

 Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and 

feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles 

black?' 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry,

 she overcomes her

embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and 

his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them 

around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's 

nothing wrong with them, Sir.'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and 

says very slowly,

'Thank you very much, that was wonderful, but listen 

very, very closely'......

        ‘Are my Test Results back?’

 ********************************************************************************

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work .

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers 
and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.
The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1,000."

A few weeks later it happened again , and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says :"$5,000."
The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them."
A few days later, the Father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game."
The Boy says: "I can't, I sold them for $ 6,000."
The Father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that... $ 6,000 is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your "SINS."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The Boy says: "Dark in here."

The Priest says: "Don't start that again!"

THIS  IS  MY  CHURCH,  NOT  YOUR FATHER'S  HOUSE !